Yesterday, my friend Robert Westheimer asked me about my life, and I told him some of the stories of my family and my friends. We laughed and cried together, and we experienced a deep connection for a few moments in a busy day. When we were leaving he said, “You ought to write this stuff down.” So, I’m going to. A story a day….maybe.
Today I had lunch with Louis. Louis is a recovering alcoholic. He learned to smoke pot when he was 14 – his dad taught him. Yes, that makes me crazy – like I want to hit someone. When we met he had been sober about 4 months. He was sleeping on the couch at his dad and step mom’s home, and his friend, Karsten brought him to Harbor.
Harbor is the church – actually it’s more like a community of people who are honestly struggling to be Christ followers – but that’s another story – where I am the pastor. Harbor has a transitional living facility named Alpha House. The ministry there is really about re-parenting young men who didn’t get well parented the first time and aren’t getting it on their own. Louis asked to move in – we had an available bed – so I said, “Sure, if you read our covenant and agree to abide by it.” He said, “Sure.”
We met the next day. He arrived at the appointed time and we sat on the front porch of Alpha House. We begin to read through the covenant – it’s pretty simple – has five points.
He’s reading out loud – “Jesus is the leader of my life.” He says “check” out loud.
“I will work to help Harbor Church achieve her mission.” Again, out loud “check.”
Next: “Outside of my family of origin, the relationships at Harbor will be my primary ones. “Check.”
He goes on: “I will live a life of financial responsibility.” He says, “I’ve never done that before, but it’s probably time for me to begin. Check.”
Then he reads the title that reads sexual purity. He doesn’t read this one out loud. When he finishes reading the words – I will live a life of sexual purity – he looks at me and says, “You can’t have sex and be a follower of Jesus?”
I said, “No”, not unless you are married.” He reads the page again and with a bewildered look in his eyes says, “NO WAY!”
It was one of those moment when I knew – as Dorothy said to Toto in The Wizard of Oz– “we aren’t in Kansas anymore.” Living and working outside of the institutional church (for five years now) has given me a glimpse of how far we have come from a culture that basically held judeo-christian values. Living in this community, I’ve learned that it is an accepted part of life to have sex. It is not uncommon for men and women in their 20s to have had not dozens but hundreds of sexual partners.
Well, here’s the rest of the story. Louis agreed to the covenant and mostly stayed celibate while he lived in Alpha House. He’s sense moved into his own apartment and feels much less compunction to abide by the Harbor Covenant. But, here is the deal. When I was growing up – you separated the good guys from the bad guys – and girls – by who was celibate and who wasn’t. It’s not so easy today. Louis is a really good guy. He has a compassionate side and he often helps people in pain and in crisis. He uses his stuff – his home, his car, his money to serve others. He’s committed to being honest – even when being so makes him look bad. He’s going back to school at HCC and is making A’s as he works on a commerical real estate liscense. He reads his Bible and trys to do most of what it tells him….except for the parts that he doesn’t agree with.
Today, I found myself wondering…who’s the real Christian – Louis, who is honest about his struggle to be obedient…who marvels at the life of Jesus…who really gets involved in the lives of suffering people…who started from a big black whole in which he received virtually no guidance…and who sins out in the open for all the world to see. Or is it the guy who goes to church on Sunday and then not only doesn’t resemble Jesus the rest of the week – really makes no attempt to make the connection between Sunday and the other 6.
This is where Louis’ story intersects mine. As a kid, it was pretty clear who was in and who was out. Christians went to church and had a pretty strick moral code about a few things – you did attend church and give your money – you didn’t have sex outside of marraige, use vulgar or slang language. But, it was ok to be greedy in your work. It was o.k. to live a very self-centered life. You could be extremely prejudiced and that was o.k. You could beat your kids and be a work-a-holic and actually be praised for being a man of principle and discipline. You could have poverty all around you and never do anything to connect to and serve those in poverty. In fact, it was accepted sport to blame the people in poverty for being in poverty. It gave one a certain sense of satisfaction and self-righteousness.
When I was a kid, in order to become a Christian, all you had to do was pray a prayer where you confessed that you were a sinner, ask God to forgive your sins and be your savior. Then, as long as you lived by the moral code of the community – which included all the do’s and don’ts of the above paragraph – you were a Christian.
Lately, I’ve been wondering: “Where did we get that idea?” There is no where in the Bible that Jesus teaches us this kind of thing. He truly expected his followers to be and do all that he taught. Grace is clearly apparent – it’s not a rigid call to obedience – but as I read it today – grace was there for the struggler who was seeking to obey – not the rebellious one who willingly walked away nor for the self-righteous ones who judged those around them. It’s made me wonder all over again, “What is a Christian?”
Today at lunch, Louis told me he was about to called up for service in Iraq (he’s in the reserves.) He talked of his fears and his hopes. He marveled at how God was changing his life and how for the first time ever, he was dreaming about having a life that mattered to himself, to God, and to those around him.
So, is Louis a Christian? You’ll have to decide for yourself. Or more to the point, he will have to decide that. For my part, it seems to me that he is honestly struggling with Jesus – his life – his teachings – his way of life. He hasn’t embraced all of it – but he’s been sober for a year now – and today he looks a lot more like Jesus than he did a year ago. For now, I’ll take that.