My blogspot is called faithwalking. Following my son, James’, lead – maybe an explanation is in order. Six years ago my life changed profoundly. Today I divide my life into before and after.
BEFORE
My first worldview was profoundly shaped by the church. The church’s worldview was shaped by the last 500 years of history. In fact, I was born at the apex of that history. In that world the church believed that faithwalking was living a life that was well managed – under control – in order. There was a set of rules, and success was defined by living by the rules. I wanted to contribute well to that world, so I worked hard at managing…controlling…ordering…playing by the rules.
I had many signals along the way that the church’s worldview was not the world accurate. But, I ignored them….mostly because I was afraid. My foo experiences taught me to comply and that not doing so was very dangerous. So I did. But, in my heart, I knew that I was not living in the truth. I just didn’t have the courage to say so.
In 1989 – I was 35 years old – my life changed. A new job forced me to see what I had never been willing to acknowledge before. Over time, it became increasingly clear that the church in our culture had substituted keeping rules and being in control of our lives for an adventure in faith that was costly, risky, and incredibly life-giving. I had lived in that rule keeping, controlling world for so long that I had become lazy. I was consumed by a desire for a life of ease and convenience. And the fear that had driven most of my life was still center stage. I had missed the mark – pretty widely.
AFTER
I’m not clear when “after” occurred. It probably wasn’t a moment but a series of experiences. I think I was really aware of “after”when we sold our house and moved to the inner city of Houston. Somehow, I began to recognize that there was a lack of integrity in my life. I professed a commitment to following Jesus Christ. But, one day it occurred to me that whenever Jesus’ life taught something that I disagreed with or didn’t understand, my response was to judge that teaching by my life experience. I was the standard by which all things good were judged. So for instance, Jesus calls us to give our lives away to the poor, the widowed, the disenfranchised – but my life experience called me to middle class security. It taught me that poor people were dangerous people to be feared….that widowed people were needy people to be avoided … that disenfranchised people were angry and cynical people to be hidden away. Instead I should protect my middle class life style – complete with 401K, life insurance policies, and a house in a middle class community surrounded by others just like me. My experience trumped Jesus teaching.
As this became clear to me – and there did come a point where I could no longer deny that this is exactly what I was doing – I had to face myself. Either I had to quit judging Jesus and his teachings by my life or I had to tell the truth (at least to myself) about my lack of integrity. So, I made a decision. I made a decision to walk by faith – vis-à-vis – faithwalking.
Here how it works for me. To the degree that I have eyes to see it – yes, denial is a powerful thing – when I find a place that Jesus teachings don’t match my life experience, I’ve made the decision to just blindly obey…to put into practice what he teaches. Interestingly – for those who want their experience to be the judge of what is real – obedience creates a new set of experiences.
Let me go back to my illustration. As I read the Bible, Jesus is crystal clear that we are to befriend the outcast of society. He was criticized for routinely spending time with these people – tax collectors, prostitutes, demon possessed people. In all my life experience, the church taught me – at best to avoid and at worst to stand in judgment of these people. When I moved into after, I decided to follow Jesus’ example. I’ve become really close friends with prostitutes, drug addicts, and ex-convicts. And having that close personal relationship has changed me – profoundly. It has changed how I see the world and the church. It has changed how I read the Bible and what I hear when I read it (that’s for another posting). As I am changed by obedience, I find myself in virgin territory. The rules that I know often don’t apply. So what’s a guy to do? The answer I’ve come to: walk by faith. Do what Jesus teaches me to do and trust God to guide me into doing the right things – faithwalking. And you know what is amazing? As I do trust God to guide – He does!
So, I hope from time to time to tell stories of what faithwalking looks like – from my perspective.